Kristie Reviews: Armageddon in Retrospect by Kurt Vonnegut

Here is what I love about Kurt Vonnegut. To quote:

Where do I get all my ideas from? You might as well have asked that of Beethoven. He was goofing around in Germany like everybody else, and all of a sudden this stuff came gushing out of him. It was music. I was goofing around like everybody else in Indiana, and all of a sudden stuff came gushing out. It was disgust with civilization.

 Paired with:

Somebody might now want to ask me, "Can't you ever be serious?" The answer is, "No."

Armageddon in Retrospect is a collection of previously unpublished short works, most of which are fiction, most of which have to do with war and Dresden and POW's. The book doesn't list when these were originally written, though someone on the internet said it was between Vonnegut's time in WII and kicking off his career as a novelist, and that pretty much makes sense.

The first piece is not fiction, it's the letter written by Vonnegut to his dad in 1945 at the end of his part in the war. It's stark and stunning and probably made his dad laugh and cry to read it.

The piece that made me cry was Spoils, about a freed American POW who loots a farm and kills what turns out to be the beloved pet rabbit of a poor, crippled Czech farm boy. I know.

The piece I liked best was Guns Before Butter, about a group of malnourished American POW's who sit around and talk about all the amazing food they're going to eat when they get home. That's the kind of story I can really get behind.

Short stories are good for short attention spans, Sara! This one was 7/10 I'd say.

Word Count: ~52,500
Kristie's Total Points: 422,748

Man I usually don't read this much. But I'm in it to win it, thanks book club!

Sara Reviews: The Enchiridion by Epicetetus!

It seems that no matter the time period or cultural context, "self-help" genre texts tend to boil down to the same basic principle: stop dreading and desiring things you have little control over and maybe you won't be so damn miserable.

A few bits of the Enchiridion read a little like Eastern philosophy except way more centered on self (Westerners, am I right?). Some of its points could perhaps be better contextualized.

"If you kiss your child, or your wife, say that you only kiss things which are human, and thus you will not be disturbed if either of them dies."

Damn, that's cold, Epictetus. I swear like half of this thing just talks about how you should chill if your family dies.

"If a horse should be prideful and say, 'I am handsome,' it would be supportable."

"Supportable" seems like an understatement for describing a talking horse.

"You must drink no cold water, nor sometimes even wine."

This is describing what you should do if you are training to win the Olympics. Am I reading wrong or is this insinuating that wine is a more appropriate beverage for an athlete than cold water?

"Don't allow your laughter be much, nor on many occasions, nor profuse."

Straight up terrible advice.

"If anyone tells you that such a person speaks ill of you, don't make excuses about what is said of you, but answer: 'He does not know my other faults, else he would not have mentioned only these.'"

I think this is supposed to mean you should be humble, but it kind of reads as trolling idk.

"Women from fourteen years old are flattered with the title of 'mistresses' by the men. Therefore, perceiving that they are regarded only as qualified to give the men pleasure, they begin to adorn themselves, and in that to place ill their hopes. We should, therefore, fix our attention on making them sensible that they are valued for the appearance of decent, modest and discreet behavior."

wat

"It is a mark of want of genius to spend much time in things relating to the body, as to be long in our exercises, in eating and drinking, and in the discharge of other animal functions."

Is he seriously saying that only dumbasses take a long time to poop? We're done here. 1/10 stars.

Word Count: 7,392 (I feel like this blog is a testament to my short attention span.)
Sara's Total Points: 166,667

Kristie Reviews: Everything You Know About Indians is Wrong, by Paul Chaat Smith

Alternatively: Everything You Know About This Book From Reading the Title is Wrong. This is not, for example, a retelling of Native American history. The title is a jab directed not just at white people. And this is not not a book that talks a lot about Indian installation and performance artists with whom the author, director of the National Museum of the American Indian, is personally acquainted.

This is a rambling discussion of Native American culture and art, both contemporary and throughout history, spoken with both love a deeply critical eye towards most everything. This approach turns up some interesting finds, such as the fact that many famous speeches and writings attributed to Native Americans are in fact anything but--Chief Seattle's speech immortalized in the children's book Brother Eagle, Sister Sky was actually a disputed speech rewritten almost completely by a University of Texas instructor in 1970; bestselling "autobiography" The Education of Little Tree was written by a white supremacist. Moral of the story: a large part of what is considered Native American tradition and culture is made up, but that doesn't exactly make it not real.

There is much discussion, both proud and embarrassed, of the American Indian Movement (AIM) of the sixties and seventies, particularly the occupation of Alcatraz, the siege of Wounded Knee, and the raid on the BIA headquarters. All worthy of examination, especially with Smith's need to deconstruct any attempt at a single narrative of these complex events.

But that's not what we get. Rather, these events are visited in passing mention or in more brief discussion than they deserve at points throughout the book*. What the reader will discover in the pages at the back--but as they've likely realized just a few chapters in--is that this is not a cohesively written book, but instead a collection of essays and speeches first published elsewhere. Now, there's nothing wrong with a wide-spanning collection of essays that return to a common topic (for example I'm currently reading Vonnegut's Armageddon in Retrospect, and we are 3 for 3 with the firebombing of Dresden), but the reader should probably be informed as part of the Introduction, not the Afterward, lest they get fed up with being introduced to the same topic of conversation from the same starting point over and over and over.

If I were to recommend this book, I'd suggest reading most of Part I, a couple chapters of Part III, and definitely the essays "States of Amnesia" and "A Place Called Irony" (the latter of which is particularly brilliant). The rest I'd give a pass unless you're really into reading about conceptual installation and performance art and believe them to be at the forefront of contemporary cultural representation. I don't.

TL,DR: Native Americans' hypothetical facebook status would read: "In a relationship with Native American Culture: It's complicated." Also, performance art, man! Pretty great if that's what you're into.

Ultimately I'd say unless you really like reading about conceptual performance art (as I've mentioned profusely that do not), about 8 out of 19 essays are worth reading, which equates to a rating of about 4/10? I'd probably give it a lot more if I'd just skipped the boring parts.

Word Count: ~65,000
Kristie's Total Points: 370,248

*Smith apparently did write a book on this topic, called Like a Hurricane: The Indian Movement from Alcatraz to Wounded Knee. I haven't read it, but I'm sure it's worth checking out. If you want a somewhat more sympathetic telling by someone who was closely involved with AIM, I'd recommend Lakota Woman by Mary Crow Dog. (Actually, I'll flat out recommend it whether or not you're interested in that particular piece of history).

Sara Reviews: Around the World in 80 Days!

I honestly hated this book. A guy goes around the world in 80 days. The end. Who cares? I'm surprised this book holds its appeal to so many people today, because it just doesn't feel relevant. This story would have been interesting at the time of its writing when people hadn't really traveled and didn't have the internet and didn't know about the world, because it does a pretty good job of putting the reader in exotic places. However, reading it now, it's just like 'oh this guy goes all over the place and has lots of obstacles and then he overcomes them.' The attitude is also extremely Eurocentric, and I can hardly blame the author given the time period, but it just seems dated now. It's very 'lol foreigners, they're so uncivilized!' Aouda is described as basically white with her European education and she's super hot so it's chill to like her even though she's Indian. That all said, the characters are at least sympathetic and compelling, and even though it's a pretty straightforward story, you are somewhat caught up in whether or not the protagonists will be successful (spoiler alert: they are).

I think my resentment was partially based upon self-loathing that I almost couldn't power through a 60,000 word book. And guess how many hot air balloons there were?

ZERO. 2/10 stars.

Word count: 62,465 
Sara's total points: 159,275

Kristie Reviews: Cozy Classics' Pride and Prejudice, Moby Dick

I am such a super serious reader you guys and I want all my points!!!

I saw these at a book store, and while I did read all 12 words of each book (24 points total!!!!!), I mostly want to tell you how totally cute they are. Needle-felted illustrations coupled with text that doesn't do much to tell any kind of story, but who cares, everybody loves whales fighting boats and Regency-era social commentary (though not necessarily in the same story I guess? Have they started crossing Jane Austen over with other literary classics? I feel like this should have happened already).

They were pretty darn cute, but I found the story to be a little lacking (a collection of nouns and imperative verbs, without a single clause or even phrase to be found, does not make for a very cohesive narrative). So 8/10!!!!!!


Word count: 24!!!!!!
Kristie's total points: 305,248

Ok but actually here are all these books I'm trying to read right now... WHICH ONE WILL I FINISH FIRST / WILL I EVER FINISH ANY / ONLY TIME WILL TELL

(Just in case you didn't think I was a super serious reader)

Kristie Reviews: The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami

Well I wrote a whole big review of this book but Blogger decided to be a bitch and delete it. Thanks, Blogger!!!

ANYWAY. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami is about a guy whose cat runs away, and then he quits his job and does a lot of nothing, until weird shit starts happening and keeps on happening until the end. It's told with a pervasive feeling of dreaminess and dissociation, and the flow is about as dream-like as you can get without becoming incomprehensible or pretentious, unlike some books out there (yes I'm looking at you, Only Revolutions. Asshole).

So here's the weird thing about the cat. This guy's wife is intent on him finding it (with all his unemployed free time, which lets be real, chasing cats isn't such a bad way to spend your time if you don't have to work) because she insists the cat is a symbol of their marriage. But the guy nicknamed the cat Noburo Watanabe after his brother-in-law. Why would you nickname a cat you admittedly like (which may or may not be a symbol of your marriage) after your creepy, rapey brother-in-law who you deeply despise? Kind of freaky, dude.

My major complaint, though, is that the book builds up towards an interesting climax until two-thirds the way through when suddenly half the cast drops out for no reason and the book starts moving in a totally different direction. Apparently the book was originally published as three separate volumes, the third of which is an asshole who doesn't want to keep up the story his predecessors left him. Also there are chapters missing from the English translation? What the heck.

This sounds like I'm hating on the book, which isn't really fair. I really like the parts where people are hanging out at the bottom of wells. I like the wind-up bird. And I like all the parts where the guy is looking for his cat, because it seems very quiet and peaceful, and I really dig looking for cats. I like all of the old veterans, and I like Creta Kano, the 1960's-attired psychic prostitute. I really like May Kasahara, the delinquent teenager who spends her time sunbathing and keeping an eye out for the missing cat.

Overall I'd give this a 6/10. Murakami does an excellent job of creating the mood and tone of the novel, but it would have gotten a better rating if the overall story arc was more consistent, and if the author had refrained from sexualizing (overtly or covertly) every single one of the many female characters. I wouldn't really recommend; try reading the short story it's based on, The Wind-up Bird and Tuesday's Women--it quits while it's ahead.

I can't find info about the word count, but it was 607 pages long, so if it's 300 words per page (apparently average for trade paperback), that puts me around 182,000 words.

Kristie's total points: 305,224

WINNING.